[21 jUnE, mOn]
went 2 cedar concert..w shuz n grace..ya grace..cos wendy kant go..joanne too..sigh..anyway e band n choir was SUPERB..haha bu kui shi cedar de ren..haha..tho i missed e musical tat e choir peepz did 4 e last concert..haha..den was handbell n guzheng ensemble performing..handbell made me changed my impression of them lorz..haha guzheng was chi-na..din reali lyk..was falling aslp..n e VCH seems alot emptier aft band n choir performed..of cos la..1st tym tt e sch combine all e instrumental concerts into 1 lorz..wth..*rOll eyeballs* it was traditionally supposed 2 b a BAND concert..haha duno wad e sch doing oso..dun care..anyway was glad 2 b able 2 go 4 e concert..missed cedar man..saw afew of my jrs..n tchers..haha..saw mrs serene ng..too bad her husband n kid nv go..haha wan 2 c her kid leh..haha..missed e sch spirit..wanted so much 2 scream during e concert lorz..but too bad was at e VIP seating area..gt tchers n principal n vp there..so nv in e end..so hard 2 control e urge lor..ARGH!! nvm..shall scream my lungs out during national track..nv sing sch song n cheer e sch cheers at all..missed them man..sigh..i miss cedar n e gd old daes man..
anyway in e aftnoon met yy..in far east..me n grace went 2 cut hair..ya a gay cut my hair..haha he super furnie n crappy lor..haha n he cut super pro lor..tho i dun reali lyk my new hair style..feels n looks weird..sigh..i wan back e "milk" hairstyle leh..

[20 jUne, sUn]
had diarrhoea e whole dae lorz..sad..actuali had diarrhoea since fri morning..while in sabah..haha..den sat nite kept xie-ing e whole nite..kant slp at all..aft all e food came out..it was water all e way..felt as if i'm urinating thru my asshole lorz..dun dare 2 drink water or anythg..din eat much too..scared diarrhoea agn..haha..felt as if i'm dieting..but gt no appetite at all..sigh..wan 2 get out of e hse..but gt no strenght n energy 2 walk abt..sigh..stuck at hm..sigh..

[19 jUnE, sAt]
met joanne at 1030 at bugis 2 watch harry potter..long tym no c her le..had so much 2 tew her..abt lollipop..abt my trip..abt everythg tt happened aft e cedar daes lorz..miss her..had so much 2 sae..but duno where 2 start..sigh..den we met wendy..n went 2 esplanade there 2 watch e dragon boat race..shuling's rowing..haha saw all e peepz there..they r all so HEI k!!! *jealous* i wan 2 b as tan as them..but aft hearing all e trgs they had..spare me man..haha u can ask me 2 do circuit trgs..pumpings..weights..all i dun mind..but nt long-d running..spare me..tt's wad i hate e most..i hate running...n dragon boat peepz haf 2 run lyk hell lorz..4get abt it..i shall juz stick 2 my plain simple tanning at e beach..haha..but i reali envy n pei fu e peepz..they r FIT..*salutes* e race was exciting..can c tt NJC was e powerhse..sun will b e finals..hopefully shuz get medals..hEe

[18 jUnE, fRi]
reached s'pore at ard 1900
yea i'm back..haha cheong-ed hm..msged grace..n found out tt ruiyi no longer gg 2 club w us..wad e...make me so xcited 4 nuthing..sigh..in e end went w grace 2 boat quay..yes..juz e 2 of us..haha..i hungry so went 2 look 4 food..in e end, end up in mac..haha so long din eat fastfood le..haha miss macs lorz..den walk ard..saw e police outside chocolate bar..damn..kant go in..so walk 2 fullerton n esplanade..we toked alot..haha grace looked weird..duno how 2 describe..juz weird..no longer a ladybug..haha..den walk until sian..walk back 2 boat quay..den still c e police there..wad they doing over there?save electricity n watch euro 2004 outside hendrix isit??*pissed* den we went 2 drink coffe at coffee bean..0_o den waited until kant wait anymore..n saw more police cuming..haha getting xcited..tot they wan 2 raid chocolate bar..kpo mah..so pretend 2 watch soccer n stood closer 2 chocolate bar..haha..total of 8 police there..wait wait wait..in e end 4 left..wth..den we heck care n walked 2 tiki bar..juz next 2 chocolate bar..haha sat there n started 2 drink..i ordered 1 jug of tequila 7-up..ya 4 myself..haha was cheaper lor..compared 2 chocolate bar..n e liquor was alot stronger..omg..nt even half drank..i oreadi abit blur le..haha...by e tym drink finish..oreadi kant walk str8 le..haha..den walk past e police..i kept tewing grace: "muz walk str8, walk str8" haha so furnie lorz..den went 2 fullerton hotel 4 toilet..e place super high-class lorz..can slp in e toilet i tew u..haha..den we slpt at raffles place..lyk our lao di fang lidat..haha..den slpt 4 2hrs den woke up n went hm..gona meet jo in e morning..haha..but e nite was shiok!! i wasnt drunk..juz kant walk str8 nia..ahaha..fun nite..=P

if u all realise i call my mum "mama"..but nv "mother"..cos mother is onli left 4 her...
yupz..there's tis person whom i call "mother"..she still holds tat special place in my heart..tho we nv contact each other le..sigh..tat itself has a sad story...sigh..how i wished i can turn back time...sigh....
but..e memories i had w her are e most wonderful in my life..wheneva there's public hols..we will surely haf programmes on..either gg 4 fishing..or BBQ..or juz gg out..my 1st time gg 2 esplanade, benjamin sheares' bridge, clarke quay were oso w her..sigh.. realli miss e times tat we had 2gether..e fun times, e on-ness, e enthusiasim..i no longer experience it..even w my current grp of fwens..sigh..
*sori gals..but smtimes i reali feel tat we r no longer tat enthu abt thgs..everydae is juz gg hm aft sch..no fun..sori*
tt tym i past by her area..there were mixed feelings..i wished 2 b able 2 c her..but i wun noe wad 2 do if i do reali get 2 c her..sigh..i msged her occasionally..but she juz din reply..sigh..
has our fwenship reali ended cos of wad happened last yr??? mother....i reali missed u...

ydae went 2 changi prison..1st time i went there..went there w my mama,*her n belle..2nd time i c belle lorz..she's so cute..haha gg 2 her 1st bdae le..oso in august..hEe..went 2 prison 2 visit *him..belle's father..i v long nv c him le..since last yr..when he went 2 jail..cos of soccer betting..belle was born when he was already in there..n she's growing up w/o her father by her side..sigh..n she can onli c him twice a month..each lasting onli 20mins..sigh..
reach at ard 1230..went 2 e prison link centre..haha so shocked lor..not wad i tot..e place very high class..gt aircon..n tv..haha..so unlike wad e tv usually show lor..den wait..den finali our batch..we walked thru e "tunnel"..super long lor..plus gt alot of stairs..i reali pity e elderlys who still haf 2 climb up n down e many stairs juz 2 c e inmates..sigh..den waited agn at e waiting area..was stuffy..belle wanted 2 slp..4gt 2 bring in her pacifier..den she kept cried..she was perspiring..sigh..but she super cute lor..when she saw a mirror..she stopped crying n smiled..haha so vain!! waited n waited..feel lyk slping..so long lor..finally can c *him le..
went into e visiting cubicles..he was botak..as fair as ever..but he put on alot of weight sia..1st time i eva c him so fat lor..since i was young he was skinny n can nv gian weight..but nw he gain 10kg!! wow!! we toked thru e fone..he was so happy 2 c belle..den he played w her..w a glass separating us..sigh..there were tears in his eyes..i guess he reali wanted 2 b by belle's side..playing w her..taking care of her..watch her grow up..sigh..tt will b in abt 1.5 more yrs 2 go..sigh..i nv c him cry b4..he was a strong guy who will nv cry..no matter wad happens..c him lidat i oso wanna cry..sigh..very fast time's up..haf 2 go le..argh..e parting part is e moz unbearable..can c tt he doesnt wan 2 leave her n belle..as we walked out of e cubicle..there's e unwillingness in his eyes..sigh..he will look 4ward 2 e next visit..which is 2wks later..take care........

ydae went 2 visit yuen xin..at her hse..w deanna, gwen, yanhui..so glad 2 see her recovering..she can walk ard..tho abit slow..but it's gd tt she can walk ard lorz..tho abit gu niang..hEe..she took out her staples le..her wound is healing..GOod..=P hope she will get well soon n cum back 2 sch..hEe..she super hardworking lor..tho she at hm she still concerned abt her work..*aMaZeD* haha..den we tok crap w her..hEe yuen de yao hui lei le..hEe..she's still so crappy lor..

tho e scar will remain..
e torturous memories still in ur memory..
but u will never change..
u r still e same old YUEN XIN
=P

den aft tt..me deanna n gwen went over 2 grace hse..i sort of kana forced by guihe 2 go..haha..but still wan 2 c how's grace..she took out her bandage le..taking out her stitches on thur..her bands on fri..hEe..tt's fast lor..
[grace]: u r recovering fast!! muz ren k??tink of e after effects..hEe u MAY become more shuai..who noes..hEe..

ya den we tok she write..sigh..c her lidat i oso xin tong leh..den guihe n charlotte came over..can c tt char abit emotional..guess it reali hurts her 2 c her darling in tis state..
[char]: muz jian qiang ok?grace wun wan 2 c u crying rite nw..we, e seafood family will b there 4 u n grace..=P

yea ppl..i gg 2 fly off soon..on fri..so u guys,while i'm away muz go n visit yuen xin n grace ok?? it's super bored staying at hm e whole day..so u guys muz pei them!! hEe..

[lollipop]
ok din msg her 4 a 1 day le..feels weird..den i asked her if she wants 2 watch shrek 2..she wants..but duno when..n she duno whether her bf wants 2 watch anotz...sigh..dun wan 2 watch w her n her bf lorz..onli makes me feels even worse lor..sigh...when can i eva 4get her??


Jessica Simpson "Take My Breathe Away"

Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Never hesitating
To become the fated ones
Turning and returning
Watching in slow motion
As you turn to me and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Through the hourglass I saw you

[lollipop lyks tis song]

ya..i'm in sch nw..2 use computer..pathetic rite? wad 2 do..haha..i juz nw on e way 2 sch..was on e bus..there's tis lady..in her 40s or 50s..nt sure la..she was wearing her pajamas n wearing tis thgy tt looked lyk milklady de..yupz..she sat at e last row..den suddenly she toked very loudly..saeing smthg lyk:"there's no gods in e idols that u worshipped"
ya..i was shocked..duno how 2 react..den she started 2 sing..den i realise tat it is a christian song..duno e title..but it's a nice song tt i sang b4 during church service..i reali duno how 2 react 2 her..2 tink tt she is a siao person? or 2 support her? i duno..i tink her main motive is 2 preach e gospel thru e song..but i guess e ppl on e bus tinks tt she's siao..sigh..den she went up 2 e upper deck..i guess doing e same thg bah..
i'm still in a blank state..i salute her action..2 share e gospel 2 ppl on e bus..but is her method correct??sigh..
it reminds me of wad i used 2 do in e past..i used 2 share e gospel w students on e street..but nt nw..sigh..duno wad's wrong w me le..i noe i'm doing e wrong thing..but yet i dun wan 2 change..it's juz so different n contradicting..sigh..guess moaning gal u will understand how i feel bahz..sigh..

yea..visited grace 2dae..onli me, gwen n lollipop..she looked so frail, weak n fragile at her bed..sigh..she cldnt tok at all..she had bandage on her chin..her cheeks was so swollen..n she had diff swallowing..sigh..heartache..she's already so thin..den still kant eat..onli can drink e milk tt e hospital gave her..grace.......i knew she was sian..so i suggested gg downstairs..but she felt weak..den went back 2 her bed..i understand how she feel..i've been thru it b4..it's SUPER sian lying on ur bed all e tym..n gt nothing 2 do..but when u get out of ur bed..u feel very weak n tired..lyk gonna faint anytym..sigh..i noe she's bored..so i keep on toking 2 her..but it's oso very xinku 2 reply..sigh..i noe wad's she's gg thru..but is there anythg tt i can help her?? no...sigh..i feel so useless..anyway she might discharge tml..
rushed hm aft seeing grace..my mama bdae..bought a cake 4 her..haha 1st tym tt i bought thgs 4 her..so unfilial lor!! kant stand myself..sigh..

ydae was vesak dae.ya went 2 sentosa.was suppose 2 b a 38 gang outing.me, laoda, joyce, lover, grace, ruiyi, yansze..but in e end, onli me lover n ruiyi r gg.e rest cant go.WTH.was abit pissed.arranged everythg le den sae wan 2 postpone.if postpone cfm plus gurantee chomped will NEVER go in e end de.so i dun care.i still wan 2 go.den asked wendy n shuling along (my sec sch fwens) den oso asked edmen.ya in e end gt 5 ppl go.shuz joined us aft her dragon boat trg.tho afew ppl nia.quite sian at times.but i had fun playing volleyball.hee lover's vball gt improved.haha.so fun.too bad we cant play in e beach vball court itself. (ruiyi next tym we ask more ppl 2 go k?den can play in e court le!!) was abit weird hafing a guy ard..w 4 gals.juz i abit ignored him.hais.still prefer gals outing.
i went in n out of e sea.played w wendy.played vball.den go into e water agn.haha.sounded lyk a crazy person.haha.den in e end i took off my tshirt n played wearing my SB n FBT shorts.haha.was showing my FAT tummy ard.haha.yea.i'm fat..tym 4 me 2 diet man..hEe.den wendy taught me tt by exfoliating ur skin u will get an even tan..haha.den she took sand n started rubbing them against my skin.haha.but my skin was smoother aft tt.den 4gt 2 put sunblock.so.....i nw gt sunburn.damn....pain wearing SB..pain wearing tshirt.pain lifting up my arms.n i'm gg 2 haf trg 2dae..haha..gd luck 2 me man!! anyway it was a gd day out.next tym muz haf another outing..i'll make sure EVERYBODY go lor..or else......*eViL LaUgHtEr*

yea..i went out w lollipop..n carol..yupz we went 2 causeway pt..abit far den dun mind..she used 2 live in tt area b4 moving 2 where she lives nw..can c tt she still likes tt place..yupz..so we juz toked n toked n eat n walk n laugh..haha carol n her 2gether sure make a funny combi..haha was laughing my stomach out..haha..they all arh jokers man!!! yupz..bought another CI Boys..hEe..CI Boys r cute ok..=P den on e way back 2 sch (cos i had trg at 4pm) we took MRT..den lollipop was tired..she lied on carol..but she felt tickish..so in e end lollipop was lying on my shoulder!! haha sound so psycho..but it was onli 4 a moment..felt so xin fu..reali wished if she was mine.....*sighs* wad can i ask 4? i guess i'm fortunate enuf 2 b her fwen...
ok den i malu-ated myself on e train!! ARGH!!! ok.. i was opening my CI Boys..e plastic couldnt open..i turned left..lollipop stoning..i turned right..carol cutting her nails..den i continue trying 2 open e darn plastic..still din bulge at all!! ok den i use more strength..den.....who noes..e plastic open!! n my CI Boy FLEW out of e bag!! n landed on e floor..in e TRAIN!!! N every1 on e train was lyk looking at me..den me, carol n lollipop burst out laughing..SO PAISEH!!!!! aft so long den i went 2 pick it up..so malu.......my face went red from laughing n malu-ness..ok den we alighted at AMK..so glad 2 get out of e train..haha..den took bus back 2 sch..den grace called lollipop..she knew she was w me..she knew wad bus we r on..she knew wad we were wearing..but she was w char...*??????* den i realised guihe was on e same bus..but on e lower deck..haha den she called grace tewing her tt she saw us..haha scared me..i tok grace how cum so li hai..can noe everythg de..haha..weird dae..
den i went 4 trg while carol n lollipop went 2 bugis..raining during trg..oh moaning gal finali came 4 track trg..haha..den all i did was 2 do dips n chin ups..sigh..kant throwers do leg exercises too? we nid leg power too!! esp 4 shotput!! kuku coach..dun lyk him..he's bias..finali alex realises tt too..wols pplz...den went hm aft trg..haha so guai lor..but.. i was caught in e damn traffic jam fer 45MINS!!! irritating..i was so hungry lorz!! reach hm den msged lollipop..i sort of pei her sms while she travel ard..yupz..felt so xin fu agnz..oh no..i'm sinking deeper n deeper..sigh..duno when will i eva get out of tis..n 4gt abt her..guess not..sighs..

with each passing day,
i gt 2 noe u deeper
so does my love for u
but i noe it's impossible btw us
but still,
e unwillingness in my heart 2 let go...
still clinging onto e hope
tt 1 day we can b 2gether...

sigh..m i dumb or wad??
i'm sinking deeper each day...